Drummer is an accomplished guitarist, drummer and composer. He's also a great swordsman.
If I were choosing his longterm career goal, I'd choose music. Maybe because it so moves me. Maybe because it's the universal language and breaks down barriers. Or maybe because if he were to become a rock star he could support his mama in her not-that-old-yet age (just trying to be honest here).
But, a week or so ago I realized he wasn’t as enthusiastic about his music as before. And what did I do? I started nudging. Reminding. Casually mentioning.
I’ve known for a while, though, that pushing (even the nice kind) is counterproductive. All it does is create emotional distance as I try and bend his will to mine.
We had a long talk last night. Drummer shared how he’ll always love music and that one day he may pursue it more fully. But, right now, the thing he’s most passionate about, the thing he wants to throw himself into is 17th Century swordsmanship. So, instead of music theory, he’s studying Paradoxes of Defense by George Silver and comparing the fighting techniques of the English and Italian schools in the 1600's.
So, I determined to stop pushing and reminded myself that I want him to be him, not some version of me imposed on him.
I hope I don’t forget that next time.